The Lost Tribe (ver. 3)

[brynmawr1]

The Lost Tribe

I remember you all-                                  Em dash, maybe?
Loris, editor and poet, a bear of a man,
Regie, queen of a love, hard as diamond,    comma? not sure about the 'a'
Paul, Vietnam Vet, playwright on a goof,
Margaret, sad madonna, love-sick,
whom I dreamt about last night.             Wasn't sure so I looked it up.  Pretty sure this is more grammatically correct.

Then the Library was in unexplained darkness,     I was a little confused by the transition here, not sure if my edit helps.
we were kissing,
I was so goddamned young
I mistook months for lifetimes.

Waking, I put on Patti Smith,
tracing your faces, hearing your voices,
replaying moments that made us a tribe
lost in the hieroglyphs of youth.

I resurrect the anguish and laughter
scattered and outlawed by time
gathered again in my mind.

The Lost Tribe



I remember you all

Loris, editor and poet, a bear of a man,

Regie, queen of a love hard as diamond,

Paul, Vietnam Vet, playwright on a goof,

Margaret, sad madonna, love-sick,

who I dreamt about last night.



The Library was like night,

we were kissing,

it was the mid 70s again.

I was so goddamned young.



So I woke and listened to Patti Smith,

tracing your faces, hearing again your voices,

replaying the moments that tied us together

or tore us apart in soon irrelevant anger

resurrecting the anguish and glory

of that tribe, vanished in time.

TqB,
I obviously made some minor suggestions above.  I like your edits.  The last stanza reads better but I do feel something is lost in the connection between the 'moments' and the 'anguish and laughter'.  I played around with it but couldn't come up with anything better.  I was also a little thrown by the changing references of the pronouns but that could be me.  I only mention it so you know.
Thanks for the read.
Take care
bryn