01-26-2023, 01:13 AM
Hi Steve-
I really like the edit, except for the 'salted by surf' part- it conjures an image for me of the children being salted (tasty), as potential food for that osprey.
I sit on the Delaware shore
my toes digging the sand. Above,
an osprey soars on speckled wing. 'grey and white' while descriptive, makes the line too long (for me).
Tucked, it plunges with fierce precision
piercing the shimmering blue;
it emerges, a meal of silver
gleaming, tight in his talon.
The raptor flies on
beyond the shriek and holler If it 'flies on', I don't picture it 'amid'
of tanned children playing I recommend cuting the salted children, and moving 'playing' up to the previous line.
till they’ve had their fill,
nourished by every wave.
I much like the contrast of the osprey fishing for survival, while the children are playing in the ocean for a different kind of nourishment.
Good one Steve,
Mark
I really like the edit, except for the 'salted by surf' part- it conjures an image for me of the children being salted (tasty), as potential food for that osprey.
I sit on the Delaware shore
my toes digging the sand. Above,
an osprey soars on speckled wing. 'grey and white' while descriptive, makes the line too long (for me).
Tucked, it plunges with fierce precision
piercing the shimmering blue;
it emerges, a meal of silver
gleaming, tight in his talon.
The raptor flies on
beyond the shriek and holler If it 'flies on', I don't picture it 'amid'
of tanned children playing I recommend cuting the salted children, and moving 'playing' up to the previous line.
till they’ve had their fill,
nourished by every wave.
I much like the contrast of the osprey fishing for survival, while the children are playing in the ocean for a different kind of nourishment.
Good one Steve,
Mark