The New Paranoia

[71degrees]

I actually feel that the edit is really strong and tightened up the 'punchiness' of the lines. With that being said, the only point at which I feel there could still be a little clarification is in the 3rd stanza. "How do they know these things" somehow implies that they already know the unstated fact that there are perhaps problems. The lines before it don't necessarily give the reader that impression (before reading the 4th stanza)... so maybe finding a way to intimate the unspoken concerns or fears could help smooth out the momentary bump in the reader's understanding of those lines.

This truly is a wonderful piece. One of my favorite styles of writing, and a very unique take on the topic of relationship concerns by melding past and present experiences.

Regards,
JJ

Going through some of my old stuff and saw this, JJ. Apologies for not answering and your critique / suggestions are muchly appreciated. Not even sure you're still around, but thanks all the same.