The Stream by William Marsland.

[wunderkind]

Hi billy,

Reading the poem, I thought it was a beautiful scene. I like how it's about the past, and that you and that other person were the only characters... really intimate and nostalgic.

It was the wet spring of 67
from behind that big old willow tree. (I'm not sure, but I think "big old" sounds a bit hokey; most old willow trees are big anyway, so maybe removing "big" would improve the tone)
Trembling at the thought
of you noticing me through
its weeping tentacles.
Trembling
because I hoped you would.

I saw you standing at the water’s edge
a seductive breeze
pushed against the floral print of your dress
Your outline excited me so much.
I hugged you
through the light-dappled leaves


You twirled, and swirled and danced (imo, the word "danced" could be removed from this line without much being lost, and it would make the stanza as a whole less repetitive)
to and fro along the bank.
Unaware that I, though unmoving
also danced a step or two and then
the dancing stopped.
With arms outstretched
as though to catch the distant sun.
you stepped into the silvered cool
till it lapped against the pertness of your breasts

My eyes and thoughts transfixed.
I hugged that tree so tight
no subtle thought of mine
had room to breath (should be "breathe", I think)
as closer to the bank you came
then splash! And splash! Again. (I like the use of sound effects here)
You sat within the willows (willow's) reach
and splashing, (maybe another word for "splash" could be used here) called my name.

That's a woman, right? Only joking. I can't comment on the poem's substance, just a few style and grammar things. Nice one.