01-19-2023, 09:52 AM
(01-17-2023, 02:40 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote: Motion
Even as the kids swing
free on a brand new rope,
granddaddy won't go near
that gnarled old southern oak.
Me again.
Still thinking about "gnarled". It seems like it imples old age in a tree, so "old" is redundant. But "old" does add to the rhythm of the line. I don't have a solution.
New thought: I think the poem as it stands requires a pretty thoughtful reader to jump to why he won't go near the tree. I'm assuming it references lynching. So if you want that meaning, I think the reader needs another line or two.
I was thinking along these lines:
Even as the kids swing
free on a brand new rope,
granddaddy doesn't see them.
Whatever he sees means
he won't go near
that gnarled old southern oak.
tim