below

[burrealist]

I think a space between the lines "but we fail" and "when we touch the ground" (instead of just a line-break) might enhance the flow.

---

gray sky, thin

a leastwise sun, a splattered silver peso behind

clouds over                  head
                    between eyes and cerulean promise

imagined
            sentience around us
                                          but we fail

when we touch ground
                            feet like                death’s glue
      restless scars itch          to tell

                                              unending green stories
    against revolving
                                    surrender



I put some spaces where line-breaks were, just to see what you think of it.