It's not Simple, It's Interrupted (new title)

[brynmawr1]

I have been coming back to this poem a lot taking it in.  Did you change the ending before your more dramatic edit? Yes, I didn't really like original ending, so I edited it in situ and didn't make it a "previous version" as I probably should have.

I like the changes you made.  You cut the parts that I had the most issues with, though I was sorry to see the dragon lines go.  My main sticking point is a feeling of inconsistent punctuation with some fragmented sentences, is it intentional?  Not really.  I think I can/should fix those.


I also pondered whether flipping last two stanzas might work better.  I really like the  tone of the poem but I personally need more concrete foot holds to climb this mountain with you to make it more satisfying for me. I flipped them because I wanted Walk into invisibility etc. to be last lines.
to be the last lines.


I googled 'Radio Ranch' but didn't get anything I thought related to this poem.
It's a personal reference.  But I was going for a surreal atmosphere.  Radio Ranch was a kind of commune of crazy arts people I used to visit in years past.  Definitely got that vibe.  Like it even more now that I know.  I liked the surreal feel but got angsty not being sure.  Sounds like a great time and a source of good material.

Take care,

Steve

I'll work on making the climb less onerous.   Never onerous.  I only offer opinions, never dogma.  I have no idea what I am doing only what I am thinking and remember opinions have been compared to assholes.

I like the changes too and agree the Original title works best.  It's an important part of the puzzle.
Later,
steve