It's not Simple, It's Interrupted (new title)

[brynmawr1]

Midnight at Radio Ranch



It’s not simple, it’s interrupted.

A cascade of syllables
down the sacred mountains.
Yogis yawn and grin.

Trout-skinned clouds strung out
a horizon of burning pink            comma?
a rainbow serpent 
encircling the visible west.
These are my fellows,
my inviolate senses                  comma?
a life without parole
gathering its final flowers.

Where’s the signal?
Ashes and dust, a dead oak,               Like the imagery here but not a complete sentence
an abandoned fire pit.
Walk into invisibility
where night plays catch
with the laughing dead. 

It’s not simple, it’s interrupted.

A cascade of syllables

an eruption of babes

down the sacred mountains.

Yogis yawn and grin.

Dragons drag shining bellies

across turquoise sands,

rivers dance in the sky

around mandalas of stars.



Where’s the signal?

Ashes and dust, a dead oak,              

an abandoned fire pit.

The sun floods the day

drowns the innocent 

in waves of transcendence.

Walk into invisibility

where night plays catch

with the laughing dead. 



Let the evening fun commence:

trout-skinned clouds strung out

a horizon of burning pink,

a rainbow serpent 

encircling the visible west.

These are my fellows,

my inviolate senses

a life without parole

gathering its final flowers.

Hi Tim,

I have been coming back to this poem a lot taking it in.  Did you change the ending before your more dramatic edit?  I like the changes you made.  You cut the parts that I had the most issues with, though I was sorry to see the dragon lines go.  My main sticking point is a feeling of inconsistent punctuation with some fragmented sentences, is it intentional?  I also pondered whether flipping last two stanzas might work better.  I really like the  tone of the poem but I personally need more concrete foot holds to climb this mountain with you to make it more satisfying for me.  I googled 'Radio Ranch' but didn't get anything I thought related to this poem.
Take care,
Steve