11-24-2022, 06:28 AM
(11-23-2022, 01:47 AM)ZHamilton Wrote: At the edges, the fabric frays.I believe at least one of your previous poems mixed long and short lines as this one does, so I'm just going to assume that is your preference although it does make the poem verge into prose, or maybe it's meant to be a prose poem.
Rivulets of water wander through sage grass like loose threads.
Burned out cars and abandoned busses are strewn like driftwood caught in a cruel tide left by a cruel tide? I'm ambivalent about "cruel". Forces of nature seem indifferent to me.
on the side of the 101.
Several birch trees huddle together.
Foliage mostly stripped. Exposed branches reach toward the tents pitched just off the road.
The waves break strangely here. Sudden
and violent. Waves imply a body of water that is missing until this line and that confused me. If you are talking about some other kind of wave, needs to be made more clear. If a body of water, I think mention of it should come earlier in the poem. I don't think "rivulets" would have waves, but what do I know?![]()
A crow’s skeleton rests on a small island of rock. Its wings outstretched.
The sand is everywhere.
Each grain working its way into the cloth of this odd tapestry. At the edges
where the fabric frays.
I get a post-apocalyptic impression from the poem.
I think the repetition of first and last line is effective.
Not crazy about the title. A little too familiar.

