Mijo (edit 3)

[Tiger the Lion]

Remember that self-portrait?
You took it up at Lometa

with the old Olympus
held at arm’s length

you’ve got a beard
and you’re not smiling.

I try to read your face,
are you angry or just serious?

I look into your eyes
and pretend you can see me too.


I keep coming back to this because I love it so much. This is a very strong edit, IMO. I have a few thoughts if you're still tweaking this one, but I'm hesitant to impose myself further on it. It's hard to say. Sometimes we have to draw a line under it so as not to lose the inspired voice. 

Again I gaze at your half-dark self-portrait 

pinned to the wall above my computer



you took it with that old Olympus

held at arm’s length



you’ve grown a beard

and you’re not smiling



I always try to read your stern face,

are you angry?



I look into your eyes

and pretend you can see me too.

I keep coming back to this because I love it so much. This is a very strong edit, IMO. I have a few thoughts if you're still tweaking this one, but I'm hesitant to impose myself further on it. It's hard to say. Sometimes we have to draw a line under it so as not to lose the inspired voice. 









I stare at a half-dark picture of you



you took it yourself

with that old Olympus film camera



you have a beard

and you’re not smiling



I try to read your face,

you look almost angry.



When I look into your eyes

I pretend you can see me too.