Birth of a Poet(edit) no new title yet

[brynmawr1]

What it is to be
born with the sun
under a rose-dusted sky

caught within a waking
dream.  A mind, opened,
by that cutting light,   

mysterious; glimpsing
the shadowed edges
of what exists at the seams
of the world.

Left standing alone
before the mirror,
windows unshaded

from whittling eyes that cut
to the heartwood,
penknives too sharp.       so sharp?  too sharp implies a relectance to cut that doesn't seem to be in the character of this poet

Trimmed, shaped, made 
beautiful? Bleeding

self in that birthing.
The page red with it;
the gore of darlings
slickening the floor.           my favorite lines

What mercy to drown
letting it fill the lungs,                 
reclaiming it as your own.

To live in that hunger
for your own blood.

A couple of minor suggestions.  A really excellent edit and a memorable poem.  I still think Blood of a Poet would make a good title, even though it's been used before (by Cocteau, not Lorca).  

Thanks TqB.  I looked up Cocteau, interesting.  Maybe the title can be "After Cocteau"?  Sort of kidding, maybe.  Now I feel like I need to rework the first half.  This whole process is very ironic!
bryn

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Hi Bryn,

I really enjoy the edits you've made so far, especially the newly added stanzas since the first draft. Once you've reworked the title, I think the opening stanza could be modified in turn. I'll pull from Stephen Dobyns', "Next Word, Better Word," here: "...nothing can be built up unless the very first words of the poem affect the break with the reader's actual environment..." I think the rose dusted sky is a beautiful image, but the way it is introduced feels simply like a musing that doesn't drive me to read further.  Glad I did, though. Thanks for posting!

Hi Z,
thanks for posting.  I agree that the first stanza could be better and align better with second half.  Your perception about the sky image is right on.  Someone pointed out that being born with the dawn is cliche so I used my mystical powers of poetic sorcery to transform the image, but you have seen through my ruse.  More darlings for the floor!
Take care,
bryn