Mijo (edit 3)

[TranquillityBase]

Hi TqB,
One thought I had is to take Tiger's suggestion one step further and make the poem a more direct conversation from the opening line.  Eg starting with something like 'Remember the...'  And I think you can cut 'stern' in S4 sort if implied by previous lines.
Very nice work.
Bryn

Thanks Bryn,

I've done another edit.  Hope the Lometa reference doesn't obscure things too much, but that's how I'd remind him of the photo.  Thanks for the budge toward a more direct conversation.

TqB