Hello(...)Goodbye

[Tiger the Lion]

...Warning: downer story, possibly offensive...



Hello, 
I’d like to tell you not do do what I did, but I find it funny that people who commit suicide tell the reader of their note, not to kill themselves, despite having blatantly done so. Not like it would stop anyone in the same position from killing themselves, it's more likely to make them consider it knowing that the person who wrote this note didn’t think killing themself was a good idea – but their only option. What conclusion does that leave the reader with? Nevermind being in the same position as whoever killed themselves, if the reader ever does find themselves in the same position later on, they’ll think back to the time when the writer of a suicide note admitted there was no point in anything and he died just because.


You can’t really blame the person who wrote the note though, their message was probably an act of desperation to make good of a hopeless situation, maybe they are simply uncreative. “Don’t kill yourself, you have a long life ahead of you” is a tiresome cliche that indents almost every schmucks suicide note which is a bit ironic because the person who wrote it couldn’t even accomplish that, it’s a mere suggestion. 


So, by all means kill yourself! If you don’t find my argument compelling, take it as a reason to live. I sure didn’t.


Let’s be real for a moment here, I don’t want to scar you with the haunting existentialism of our existence, as I am sure you are aware of, what with me lying all dead and such. Hopefully I left a mess– extra points  if someone puked upon finding my leavings, if not onto them, which would also be cool.


No, I want you to acknowledge the absurd situation you’re in, reading this note over my dead corpse. Ignore the viscera and the initial fear. Recognize me for the person I was and the life I lived. Any sob story fits what could’ve happened to me, that of course meaning there was a worthwhile backstory to tell, some people just decide to not live. Kind of hard to sympathize with that huh? So willful and stubborn, like a toddler crossing his arms to a plate of broccoli. I guess since I am tugging at your heartstrings or simply piquing your curiosity I made this unique and interesting enough for you – apparently this dictates my meaning in death – so you could relate to me. Who wants to read a boring suicide note? Life only happens once right? If you fuck that up look forward to your suicide, the same concept applies. Do something creative! 


I digress. With all the given possibilities to my demise, my life could’ve been identical to yours, yet, you are still alive; the most lucky unlucky bastard to live! At least you’re not splattered on the ground, covered in possible vomit. Again, I don’t know your life, I can only guess from this note, who you are, just as you can only guess who I am. The universe’s intentions aren’t as random as it makes us out to be.


But, take this with a grain of salt, I just like to ramble without a point. Everything said is conjecture drifting in a vacuum, accomplishing nothing. Really, what can a person do but project their own ideas onto others and tell them what they find in themselves to be ideal?


Where I am going, this won’t matter, because I will no longer have a body to inhabit. Perhaps it never mattered to begin with. Ultimately, there is only one way to find out! 


Goodbye






O҉h҉ 
    He҉  y҉, f҉i҉n҉   g҉e҉r҉ p҉a҉i҉n҉   t҉i҉n҉g҉ 
   t҉i҉m҉e҉! R҉e҉
m҉   
e҉      m҉b҉  e҉r҉, a҉l҉w҉a҉y҉s҉                    c҉   e҉l҉e҉b҉r҉a҉t҉e҉ d҉    e҉a҉t҉h҉ a҉n҉d҉ l҉i҉f҉e҉! W҉

             h҉a҉t҉ o҉t҉h҉e҉r҉ c҉   h҉o҉i҉c҉e҉ 

d҉o҉ y҉o҉    u҉ h҉a҉v҉   e҉?

Hey SC, not so much as a Mod, but as a member, I would prefer you had this moved. Not that there's any rules broken, but the Misc Forum provides us members no context. For example if it were posted in Intensive, no one would have any issue separating the N with the OP (and they shouldn't in Misc. either, but trust me, it happens.) - rather they would just get on with critiquing it as requested. Similarly, if it were posted in one of the Suicide threads, readers would take it in the context that the thread provides. The Misc forums just begs for threads like this to get derailed IMO. 

Critically speaking, I think you could distill this into a pretty effective Haibun, ending with a version of this...
R҉e҉
m҉   
e҉      m҉b҉  e҉r҉, a҉l҉w҉a҉y҉s҉                    c҉   e҉l҉e҉b҉r҉a҉t҉e҉ d҉    e҉a҉t҉h҉ a҉n҉d҉ l҉i҉f҉e҉! W҉

             h҉a҉t҉ o҉t҉h҉e҉r҉ c҉   h҉o҉i҉c҉e҉ 

d҉o҉ y҉o҉    u҉ h҉a҉v҉   e҉?