09-18-2022, 09:04 AM
(09-18-2022, 07:45 AM)Semicircle Wrote:I really like the setup (first three lines), but not so much the choices or the conclusion. Just too much of a downer. Maybe if you could consense it more:This is what you would becomehad I not shown the future.I’ll give you the choice–will you defy natureto further your own endsor will you bear responsibility?Either way, I can trust on youto make the wrong decision.
I'll give you the choice-
defy nature
or bear responsibility?
As for the conclusion, I'm not going to put words in your mouth.....I'd even say cut the conclusion.
Just my 2 cents/sense,
Thanks for the read of both poems.

