09-13-2022, 01:57 AM
Hi 3-
I'm not going to do a line-by-line, but I will give an impression:
A live stock auctioneer get his comeuppence.
You could sharpen the focus by cutting S.2, and leaving his wife out of it. For me, she only adds confusion, without enough context.
I don't know that there is enough detail to support the last, dramatic line.
You offer some very fine details, yet seem to leave crucial details out: if you want me to solve this mystery, I need a few more clues.
With a few tweeks this could be a much stronger piece.
Keep at it, and turn up the Heat,
Mark
I'm not going to do a line-by-line, but I will give an impression:
A live stock auctioneer get his comeuppence.
You could sharpen the focus by cutting S.2, and leaving his wife out of it. For me, she only adds confusion, without enough context.
I don't know that there is enough detail to support the last, dramatic line.
You offer some very fine details, yet seem to leave crucial details out: if you want me to solve this mystery, I need a few more clues.
With a few tweeks this could be a much stronger piece.
Keep at it, and turn up the Heat,
Mark