Magnified (Retro)

[brynmawr1]

Translucent hand

window:

flowers from moondust--

nebulous terror--

shadows miles away

walk inside

and never leave

Hi Sc,
Personally I think you had a nice poem going with the original that just needed some rearranging as the images are great.  Made some suggestions below to work with.
Hope you find them useful.
steve

I had a translucent hand,     might be good to introduce idea of dream state of some kind in first line more explicitly
that revealed truths            link "truths" to the burning (better descriptor than eternal as mark suggested) by moving to end of stanza
when I looked through it;     implied by window
a window
to another world
where flowers sprouted from     need more specific imagery around "flower" and "moon dust"
moon dust
and burned eternally.

But then I woke up,                the ideas here are good just need to link tonally to the first stanza, ie also have a surreal quality to the language.
and my hand was opaque.