09-01-2022, 02:42 AM
(08-31-2022, 10:17 PM)TranquillityBase Wrote:You're right, and I believe I fixed it. My intention wasn't that she was looking out the window, but it sounded a lot like it. Revisions above.(08-31-2022, 03:51 AM)Semicircle Wrote: Jewelry and floraThe beginning and ending are quite effective; in between, feels like something is missing.
thrust into the furnace,
stretches oddly my favorite stanza
When she rests
in bed at night–
watching from a window "through a window"? and what is she watching?
Tilted; crossed,
lest she look directly
Jewelry and flora
keeps the furnace lighted

