Sea Life (edit 2)

[brynmawr1]

I sit on the Delaware shore
my toes digging the sand.  Above,
 
osprey soar on grey and white speckled wing.
Tucked, they plunge with fierce precision                     
 
piercing the shimmering blue;
reborn they rise, a meal of silver-gleam
 
tight in their talon. 
The raptors climb on 
 
amid the shriek and holler
of tanned children,
 
salted in surf, playing till they’ve
had their fill, nourished by every wave.

I sit on the Delaware shore as

my toes investigate the sand.  Above,

 

Osprey soar on grey-white speckled wing.

Tucked, they plunge with fierce precision                     

 

piercing the shimmering blue;

reborn they rise, a meal of silver gleam

 

tight in their talon. 

The raptors climb on 

 

amid the shriek and holler

of sandy, tanned children.

 

Salted in surf, they eat till they’ve
had their fill, sustained by every wave.

I liked the parallel between being nourished by the waves and being nourished by fish.
The mental / experiential and the purely physical blending into one.
The revised version is more economical, and has a sustained image throughout.

It might be better if it were a single osprey, perhaps. I pictured several dive bombing in unison, and it was rather comical. 
The only line I didn't quite like was 'reborn....gleam'. A bit over the top in calling fish that. Too flowery, as it were.

The rest, lovely.

Hi Busker,
Thanks for commenting.  There were multiple osprey, although not diving in synchrony.  That would be something.  Multiple people have stumbled over my "gleam" imagery.  That's one of my favorite parts, but I can't ignore such knowing opinions!
Take care,
bryn