Revenge - edit2

[dukealien]

edit2;

You cannot stop a pendulum:
let it bump into your hand
or catch it with your fingertips–

but when you must
let go it swings
again until, potential bled
away, it finds its motion-death.

Not on command; a pendulum
will have the final tock.

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@Savvi - good critique, you are definitely correct about the cliche last line, and it doesn't hurt to break up L4 - the second stanza has a better swing this way.

Thanks! 

Revenge


You cannot stop a pendulum:
let it bump into your hand
or catch it with your fingertips– nice set up ok i'm in

but when you must let go it swings this line is too long suggest edit..but let go and it swings
again until, potential bled 
away, it finds its motion-death. I like motion-death and the energy bleed out

Not on command; a pendulum
will have the final say. final say ?? is it cliche, feels a bit weak  

I like the title it implies there is more going on than stored energy in a pendulum and I guess the end line is a nod to that as well. I enjoyed the ideas and the detail of the poem, I have added a few comments for your consideration. Savvi