Sunday Morning(edit)

[brynmawr1]

Hey Steve-
Some in-line comments, below:

Sunday Morning

Land and sea, While this line brackets the piece, I feel it is a tad too sparse.  That said, it is important, as it establishes the setting.
back to chest,
a tender embrace.

Morning light’s lazy caress on tranquil tides, We already know it's morning from the title
time stretches to contentment.  Interesting line. 

A wave finds its sandy shore;  You need a better description here, to stress the personification (one person as land, the other as sea). Something like 'A wave of my hand through your sandy hair'. This is the key section for this poem.
reaching, holding, repeating.

The world slips into
a universe contained in that moment. I get a feel for what you're going for, yet these lines need to be more concise.  They're too nebulous.

Separate but never separated.
Land and sea.  Nice, subtle ending.  If the very first line in this piece was stronger, the personification/metaphor would work better: one of this couple is land, the other is sea.

Hi Mark,

Thanks for stopping by and your comments.  I have tried to address your comments above.  I have also posted the actual original poem, my first.  I tried to pare it down to its elements but maybe went too far.
thanks,
steve

PS I can't seem to get the previous version tabs to work properly