out of my element

[hebrewhammer2]

thansk for the feedback mark - this piece was written in response to my experience at a middle class suburban white bday party where i did not feel “ in my element” it reflects on my life , past and present experiences and how mish mashed they are

Currently i am : white , young, wealthy, sober , law abiding , a father and a husband

Im also : non christian , have spent time in jail, grew up poor , inmigrated here from a foreign country, not interested in football/ lawns/ drinking

while i have some intersection with the people at the party and in general with my “ demographics” im overall an outlier -

Im a young, rich, white male , non christian , non interested in standard white male interests in my demographic - and also not affected by the middle class struggles of trying to be above your pay grade, keeping up , etc

so a line like - I sit w my silver spoon up on the moon = im sitting above everyone currently - instead of my past when i was with the dirt being swept by the broom selling drugs in extreme poverty

my experience of not belonging continue ( the only cracker up in the tomb) speaks to being incarcerated with 90% black inmates -

it continues being jewish in the south surrounded by christians -
at the party everyone drinks im sober - i do love to gamble / play cards thats my vice

the rest speaks to my non belonging and wanting to belong to something i dont know something i have not found and maybe if i found it i would still yearn for the unknown ( im a buyer as long as theres no sellers) we want what we cant have ( the capitalization is an accident )

youre right it would be hard for a reader not knowing this background to know alot of this

thanks for the feedback and thoughtful comment