The Old Know
#3
(06-08-2022, 11:20 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  The Old Know
 
The old know how to fold a map,
to use a rotary phone and
untangle the cord.
 
They know the serenity in writing a letter,
the joy of receiving the reply,
the anticipation in between. ... I like how between the second and third lines of this strophe there is a degree of anticipation here itself
 
The old know that walking,
face in a phone is dangerous
so, they dont.
 
They know and(?) how days are short
when long in years.
 
The old know the gift of loving for a lifetime,
and the loneliness of one left behind.
 
The old know the only thing worse
than death,
is not living.
I think you could lose some of the 'they know's - suggestions above
The last strophe (in green) is cliched. The poem deserves a better ending.
Overall, a nice read
Reply


Messages In This Thread
The Old Know - by brynmawr1 - 06-08-2022, 11:20 AM
RE: The Old Know - by Semicircle - 06-08-2022, 12:02 PM
RE: The Old Know - by brynmawr1 - 06-08-2022, 10:38 PM
RE: The Old Know - by busker - 06-08-2022, 02:54 PM
RE: The Old Know - by brynmawr1 - 06-08-2022, 11:05 PM
RE: The Old Know - by Mark A Becker - 06-08-2022, 08:20 PM
RE: The Old Know - by Semicircle - 06-08-2022, 10:45 PM
RE: The Old Know - by TranquillityBase - 06-09-2022, 12:31 AM
RE: The Old Know - by brynmawr1 - 06-09-2022, 05:56 AM
RE: The Old Know - by TranquillityBase - 06-09-2022, 06:25 AM
RE: The Old Know - by brynmawr1 - 06-09-2022, 10:59 AM
RE: The Old Know - by Mark A Becker - 06-09-2022, 03:01 AM
RE: The Old Know - by Mark A Becker - 06-09-2022, 08:42 AM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!