Kingdom of the Sun(new title and edit)

[Knot]

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Hi Bryn,
couple of suggestions/thoughts.



Errand and chore sour the morning,
tug my sleeve and jostle my cup

but Sun, rising sweet in my ear
whispers, "Stay

lest you wake the hunter,

returned from his nightly prowls.

Stay, and watch the regent

in silent communion with the wind.

Listen to courtesan secrets under verdant eaves ............bit of a mouthful

as the choir sing their morning lullabies.

Laugh, but quietly, as the blue vested jester

scolds from his woodsy perch.”

Stay, and be intoxicated by perfumed maidens,

splendent in star-white bonnets.

Remember the dapper gents of yesterday

their yellow hats now stowed away.

And pity chitinous footmen

dutifully abstaining from the pageantry.

I leave the cat to nap in the sun's reveries,

my mug empty in the sink.

I agree with you, the ending isn't quite there yet.

Also, any way to improve the flow, from one verse to the next?

Best, Knot

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