Bus stop
#2
(06-04-2022, 02:24 AM)Semicircle Wrote:  Cracked road
leads into mirage


Yellow field,
herds of bulky shadow
migrating across                migrate?


Glass box,
Sunlight streams
through its film

Well tailored bones
sit patiently
for a days work
to begin
I only have one small change suggestion.  This poem is like looking at four very different snapshots.  Because of the title, I am expecting buses, so I'm reading references to structure to be a bus/buses (the mirage, the herd, the glass box) .  Am I anywhere on the right track (not that it matters, because I like it).  Your poems lend themselves to multiple interpretations which is good sometimes.  I do it too much.
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Messages In This Thread
Bus stop - by Semicircle - 06-04-2022, 02:24 AM
RE: Bus stop - by TranquillityBase - 06-04-2022, 07:16 AM
RE: Bus stop - by Semicircle - 06-04-2022, 08:19 AM
RE: Bus stop - by brynmawr1 - 06-04-2022, 07:57 AM
RE: Bus stop - by brynmawr1 - 06-08-2022, 11:33 AM
RE: Bus stop - by Savvi - 07-06-2022, 07:54 AM



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