Daffodil

[brynmawr1]

Daffodils,
Dapper gents in yellow hats
prefer verdant pants,
flirt with bees to
shun a jealous sun.

Well bryn-
I really think yer overdoing it here.  I believe that the best images are the simplest.
Just sayin,
Mark

Hi Mark,

I agree that the first line is nice.  What I am struggling with is how do I turn that into something more.  Poems are filled with good stand alone lines but still fit into a larger context.  I like the metaphorical image of the daffodils flirting with bees and a jealous sun.  How do I get there?  I appreciate your thoughts.
Thanks,
steve