05-22-2022, 10:44 PM
Thanks to both of you. You've given me a lot to think about.
Mark B., I like your version very much. It's describes the scene more accurately (the haze wasn't really coming from the "bowl of light") and I originally wanted 4 a.m. in the poem, not as a title.
I'm still thinking the horizon (where the half-moon was at the time, it was just rising) belongs in there.
What about:
Half-moon horizon
bowl of light
tipped over in the haze,
4 a.m. again.
Mark B., I like your version very much. It's describes the scene more accurately (the haze wasn't really coming from the "bowl of light") and I originally wanted 4 a.m. in the poem, not as a title.
I'm still thinking the horizon (where the half-moon was at the time, it was just rising) belongs in there.
What about:
Half-moon horizon
bowl of light
tipped over in the haze,
4 a.m. again.