Afternoons of an Agnostic version 3

[brynmawr1]

Afternoons of an Agnostic

Noon-time, and solar furies 
perch upon my shoulders
as my past life plays out
realized as nameless sins.             vignettes of nameless sin."  Going for the "life flashing before your eyes" image.

Sunlit isolation lays heavy 
on the void inside my chest.
and The dust in my predicated soul stirs          maybe?
of its own accord, leaving no traces
except caged reliefs
distinct and disapproved.

I surrender my sins to an impossible God
who watches over my dissolution.
He counts my steps
in a circular path of infinite distance
as I wait for a final cry
to be strangled by His Presence.           In?      

Evening will come as God departs, 
a twilit peace scatters the furies
and shadows disguise my failures.
Night comes with His Absence, 
and in sleep I walk into dreams
of daylight sprites, freed from His prison,
who forgive the starlight of my unhoused brain.           forgiven

Unconscious morning marks the moment
where the simplicity of waking
returns me to my doubtless self                        like the ending.  could consider changing punctuation "...doubtless self.  On the verge....divinity, I await..."
on the verge of discovering divinity.
I await with dread the post meridian.

At noon, solar furies perch upon my shoulders

as past lives play out their mistakes 

transformed into sin.



Sunlit isolation, absent any shade,

lays heavy on the black muscle of my voided heart 

and the dust in my biblical soul stirs

of its own accord, leaving no traces

except disappearance and caged reliefs

distinct and disapproved.



I apply my memories to an invisible God

who watches over my dissolution.

He accounts for my every move,

circular steps in a prison yard of infinite distance

measured out in years of waiting for the final cry

strangled in my throat by his Presence.



Evening will come and with it

twilight peace will replace the furies as God departs

and dark will fill my creviced failures.

Promised sleep will wake in dream

and daylight sprites, loosed from their box,

will make starlight inside my unhoused brain.



Unconscious morning marks the moment

where the simplicity of waking

returns me to my solitary self, 

on the verge of discovering divinity

and again I await with dread the post meridian.

Hi Tranq
very nice evolution!  I have only a few tweaks to offer.  My only other general suggestion would be to read it through thinking about punctuation and flow.  I felt there where too many "ands" and "as" creating a runon sentence effect.  Really like this.
bryn