Over-dozed

Over-dozed

Knot

WTF

Posts: 703
Threads: 141
Joined: Oct 2017

#11

05-19-2022, 08:05 PM

Hi Mark,

the last stanza's improved, but I think you could go a little further

It was the cold water brought you back

pierced the cocoon,

grey flooding to pink,

and all at once

a sharp intake of breath,

"Do that again I'll fucking kill you!"

Best, Knot

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Messages In This Thread

Over-dozed - by Magpie - 07-24-2013, 10:31 PM

RE: Over-dozed - by Magpie - 05-16-2022, 08:56 PM

RE: Over-dozed - by brynmawr1 - 05-16-2022, 10:10 PM

RE: Over-dozed - by Magpie - 05-17-2022, 02:16 AM

RE: Over-dozed - by Knot - 05-18-2022, 01:25 AM

RE: Over-dozed - by Magpie - 05-18-2022, 02:32 AM

RE: Over-dozed - by Knot - 05-18-2022, 03:18 AM

RE: Over-dozed - by Magpie - 05-19-2022, 04:16 PM

RE: Over-dozed - by Knot - 05-19-2022, 08:05 PM

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