New Yellow

[Semicircle]

Swaying, deciduously,
bobbing in ripples of yellow.
Whirlpools of leaves and night lamps
in a starless sky.


Set adrift in an ocean of honey,  feels more timeless this way fitting with the next two lines.
with a yellow-toothed-grin.
Don't know where it ended     "when"?  not sure if you are trying for a specific effect here or not.  Also tenses are different
or when it will begin.          


Whispers calling me back  I kept leaving it out as I reread.
fall away.
Yellow thoughts
are all that stay.

thanks for sharing.  You are very prolific!  What do you do with all your poems, if anything?  just curious.

I agree with your revisitations. Very helpful.

What I do when making poems is try to go for the abstract while still trying to be tangible in a way that leads the audience along.