Draft 3: Forever Legacy

[brynmawr1]

Let conquerors who taste every spring,
expecting youth, turn to dead marble—
I'll leave your memory
in rainbows that smell of hose water
to forget you in the way
the wind remembers breath.

Hi Velasco,
In regard to MB's comments about the first line, I agree that "conquerors" lacks something.  Even though it is less specific maybe use "those who" and change "every" to "the", ie "Let those who taste the spring".  The caveat would be if you are thinking of something very specific when using "conquerors". then try to come up with another term that gets that idea across.  My only other suggestion to try would be changing "I'll leave" to just "I leave".  To me, it make the act more definite, immediate.  thanks.