05-10-2022, 10:13 PM
Hello bryn-
My wife has a picture of old shoes- a still life that evokes emotion from the viewer. Your poem could work in very much the same way, as a still life.
I suggest letting the description of the shoe evoke emotion from the reader, instead of conveying emotions on it. Since readers infer that shoes come in pairs, describing a singular shoe could be worked to better effect, leaving readers to wonder what became of the other shoe.
Below I have subtracted words, without changing any, and left those that formed a mental picture for me:
Old shoe,
tattered,
sits in the corner,
laces frayed,
sole worn.
Every stain a story
of steps taken.
My wife has a picture of old shoes- a still life that evokes emotion from the viewer. Your poem could work in very much the same way, as a still life.
I suggest letting the description of the shoe evoke emotion from the reader, instead of conveying emotions on it. Since readers infer that shoes come in pairs, describing a singular shoe could be worked to better effect, leaving readers to wonder what became of the other shoe.
Below I have subtracted words, without changing any, and left those that formed a mental picture for me:
Old shoe,
tattered,
sits in the corner,
laces frayed,
sole worn.
Every stain a story
of steps taken.