Blame
#2
(03-30-2022, 11:59 PM)Semicircle Wrote:  Our hands linked together
in a bitter cage.
I wish when I licked my finger,
you would let me turn the page.
I lament day to day
about the wars that we wage.
I wish you had let me turn the page.

Tonight, 
I killed you
in a frenzied rage.
If only, when I bit off my finger,
would you turn the page.
I really like the first 6 lines.  I don't think the repetition of line 7 is needed.

I feel like stanza two needs a little work.  I'm confused by the "if only" in the next to last line.  Did you mean "Only when I bit off my finger/would you let me turn the page."?
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Messages In This Thread
Blame - by Semicircle - 03-30-2022, 11:59 PM
RE: Blame - by TranquillityBase - 03-31-2022, 12:19 AM
RE: Blame - by brynmawr1 - 05-11-2022, 09:29 AM
RE: Blame - by Semicircle - 05-18-2022, 11:13 PM
RE: Blame - by brynmawr1 - 05-19-2022, 03:55 AM



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