In the sun
#4
(03-28-2022, 01:01 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote:  Hey busker-

Ah yes, those "precious moments" of blushing youth.
(more hackneyed words weren’t said) alludes to the lustful foolishness, when seen in retrospect.

One line made me stumble, though:
like a bond villainess in bed

Did you mean "Bond", as in the Bond flicks, or "bound", as in tied up? You either need a capital "B" or a "u" in that word.

Also, since this is from the past, the last line in S.2 is a sudden which in tense, and should probably read:
"that had forgotten how to sing."

I was wondering how the title fit since I at first figured this was happening outside. But you have a bedroom scene in there (and maybe it was a very sunny bedroom.) Yet when I substitute "In the Sun" for the last line "to blush" it worked itself out for me, as in "we all had our time in the sun."

... Mark
I also noticed the bond villian, 
which is a strange path for this poem to walk down.
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Messages In This Thread
In the sun - by busker - 03-27-2022, 09:04 PM
RE: In the sun - by Semicircle - 03-28-2022, 12:46 AM
RE: In the sun - by Mark A Becker - 03-28-2022, 01:01 AM
RE: In the sun - by Semicircle - 03-28-2022, 09:10 AM



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