Magnified (Retro)

[busker]

I had a translucent hand,
that revealed truths
when I looked through it;
a window
to another world
where flowers sprouted from
moon dust
and burned eternally.

But then I woke up,
and my hand was opaque.

I like the image of a translucent hand like a window and flowers sprouting from moon dust, followed by the surprise of their burning. It achieves a level of surrealism.
However, the lines are too regular in the first 3, and read like a single sentence just broken into three separate lines. The pauses are not where they should be.
I'd prefer to combine L3 and L3. 
Similarly, L6 and L7 should be combined.

The second strophe is not quite there. After moondust-sprung flowers burning, the ending feels disconnected. The default assumption is that all this is too fantastic to be true, and when you say that it was too fantastic to be true, it's hardly unexpected. There's no payoff.

As an example, take this poem by Yeats. It starts off with a nice image, builds it into something other wordly, but the anticlimax in the end is clever. There's enterprise in walking naked, i.e. in having your own original voice rather than one orchestrated from various secondhand sources. This is payoff.

I made my song a coat 
Covered with embroideries 
Out of old mythologies 
From heel to throat; 
But the fools caught it, 
Wore it in the world’s eyes 
As though they’d wrought it. 
Song, let them take it
For there’s more enterprise 
In walking naked.