Iasos (Edit 2.0, Mark, Knot, Rowens)

[Knot]

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Hi Busker,
coming along nicely.  Not far to go.

It's a small thing but
This is a poem about Iasos
After 'about' I stumble, ever so slightly, on 'of'
Would
This is a poem about Iasos,
about moss growing on stone,
about stones becoming walls
...
work?


This is a poem about Iasos,
of moss growing on stones,
of stones becoming walls
lashed by the rein of thunder gods,  ........................wrong sort of rain?
lying forgotten  in tall grass. The glass
like harbour at noon,
broken  by rain, and rippled by the wind ................... after 'broken' 'rippled' is rather tame.
dragging a cloud canvas.

Two thousand years, more,
have lapsed into silence since
they sighted this shore, steer- .............................awful line break
ing away from the pale of Pelias. ......................... why the gap after 'Pelias'?  It's the same they/them.

For them, cataracts gush
from mouths of stone,
sailors who longed for a sea
rising and falling,
like a serpent, or unravelling
like a skein of ancient ways, to be

woven into tales, and tales into thought, ............... now if this line could be a continuation of both L18 and L8 then I think you'll have cracked it! indivisible from our own
in poems about Iasos. ........................................should the 'in' be 'and'?


Best, Knot

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