A Blues Guitarist

[Knot]

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Hi Mark.

It's not quite coming together, for me (clashing of frets is a particular worry )

Given the title, it feels a bit overwritten.  If you'll allow a somewhat drastic bit of cutting, then ...

The whole room shakes,
dancing in time
to a blues guitarist
sat on an old wooden stool,
feet stomping on an old wooden floor.
I don't think you need any of this, you're setting a scene that never develops?  Why bother?  


... what remains is


Rocking -

while an electric rhythm hand slaps out
an African bassline, his fiery (...) fingers
patrol the fret-board .....................................given he's 'searching' is 'patrol' the right word?

- punctuated -

by the melancholia of glass
on steel
and syncopated shotgun blasts

- he searches
for that gorgeous blue note.


fiery (apart from the alliterative problem, doesn't sound like something you'd say of a blues guitarist, though I'm happy to be corrected.)

Lost inside a hypnotic riff
nailed to a groove
Pretty much saying the same thing twice?

gorgeous
gotta be something better than this.


Now, that being said, and me being happily ignorant of the blues, I'd be tempted to start where you end.  So


A Blues Guitarist


searches for that one blue note
amongst the melancholia of glass
on steel, the syncopated
shotgun blasts, the electric
rhythm that slaps out
an African bassline
...


Definitely worth pursuing, especially if you can fit a blues rhythm to it.


Best, Knot


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