Unsleeping 1.) Edit

[Magpie]

Carbonated darkness    - not sure what carbonated darkness is but I like the imagery in the first three stanzas
where the wire strains
and jaws quiver,
the drawer opens 
just a sliver.

Cave interlopers
cascading whispers
on tender hairs,
trying to lure me into   - do you need 'trying'?
waking nightmares.

Elongated arms
poised over, like a mantis;  - think this line would be better with the simile as a metaphor
fully open drawer,
covers strung amiss.  - agree with TqB on this line

Swiftly carried
under a pool so deep;
the demon I tried to ward away
already knew--
I was asleep.   - this last stanza seems out of place with the rest of the poem and it's inventive imagery. It seems like you've done this stanza quickly to explain the previous three, I don't think it needs it.

Hi, the odd imagery is what makes this poem readable. I don't understand 'carbonated darkness' but because you are describing an altered reality then I think it works really well. 

Cheers for the read,

Mark