03-08-2022, 11:41 PM
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Hi River,
it's improved with each revision, I think, but it still seems to be too concerned with following the 'plot' of the film (which I haven't seen) and not enough to do with what you mention in the Spoiler. I'd like to see a bit of the contemporary, or the poet, included in the piece. Without the spoiler, why is the poet writing this?
One area I think need work is the enjambments. A lot of the seem too 'contrived', for example
Tarkovsky's Rublev
painted icons for the Trinity
Lavra outside Moscow,
whose bells did not survive
the Revolution.
the Trinity / Lavra
enjambment doesn't work as successfully as the
Andronikov / Monastery
break does in the first verse
The line
Lavra outside Moscow
just seems close to meaningless.
That said, even the first verse might be 'improved'
Tarkovsky's Rublev painted frescoes / at the Andronikov
few of them survived the Revolution.
I like the ambiguity of whether it was just the frescoes, or the monks, who survived the Revolution.
He observed that the history ....... 'observed' is a little ambiguous, and not in a good way Did he see the 'history of ...' or did he comment on it (or both)?
of the Slavs is all suffering,
that the Christ was cruel
to leave so many people
behind, so his mentor
Theophan the Greek
warned him to be wary
of his watching.
Just a thought
Tarkovsky's Rublev saw the history of the Slavs
was suffering, that the Christ was cruel
to leave behind so many people.
His mentor, Theophan the Greek
warned him to be careful
of such expression.
I think you could go from here to something contemporary, some of those anti-war (anti-Z) protests, for instance, or refugee lines trying to cross the border. Something that brings the 'so many people' and/or the 'warning' into the present day.. If it's not too fanciful, how might he have painted them, or Tarkovsky have filmed them?
Best, Knot
.
Hi River,
it's improved with each revision, I think, but it still seems to be too concerned with following the 'plot' of the film (which I haven't seen) and not enough to do with what you mention in the Spoiler. I'd like to see a bit of the contemporary, or the poet, included in the piece. Without the spoiler, why is the poet writing this?
One area I think need work is the enjambments. A lot of the seem too 'contrived', for example
Tarkovsky's Rublev
painted icons for the Trinity
Lavra outside Moscow,
whose bells did not survive
the Revolution.
the Trinity / Lavra
enjambment doesn't work as successfully as the
Andronikov / Monastery
break does in the first verse
The line
Lavra outside Moscow
just seems close to meaningless.
That said, even the first verse might be 'improved'
Tarkovsky's Rublev painted frescoes / at the Andronikov
few of them survived the Revolution.
I like the ambiguity of whether it was just the frescoes, or the monks, who survived the Revolution.
He observed that the history ....... 'observed' is a little ambiguous, and not in a good way
Did he see the 'history of ...' or did he comment on it (or both)?of the Slavs is all suffering,
that the Christ was cruel
to leave so many people
behind, so his mentor
Theophan the Greek
warned him to be wary
of his watching.
Just a thought
Tarkovsky's Rublev saw the history of the Slavs
was suffering, that the Christ was cruel
to leave behind so many people.
His mentor, Theophan the Greek
warned him to be careful
of such expression.
I think you could go from here to something contemporary, some of those anti-war (anti-Z) protests, for instance, or refugee lines trying to cross the border. Something that brings the 'so many people' and/or the 'warning' into the present day.. If it's not too fanciful, how might he have painted them, or Tarkovsky have filmed them?
Best, Knot
.