Chernobyl's baby
#2
(03-02-2022, 04:26 AM)Semicircle Wrote:  Edit

Fly trap,
that caught the phantoms,          catches the phantoms
infusing them within.                   comma instead of full stop
Tapping the elephant                  t
of its endless energy,
their unable to fade away.

Wrinkled foot 
pooling into the corridor,
body groaning
from inside the wall.              another comma instead of full stop; I'm reading "wall" as the concrete bunker poured atop Chernobyl                                                                                                                                                     
Trunk stretched out,
groping for a cool spring; 
the elephant thirsty
for fresh souls.
I like this poem although I can't say I really understand it.  I'm taking it that the baby of the title is the elephant of the poem.  The edit is an improvement.  A few suggestions.
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Messages In This Thread
Chernobyl's baby - by Semicircle - 03-02-2022, 04:26 AM
RE: Chernobyl's baby - by TranquillityBase - 03-03-2022, 01:52 AM
RE: Chernobyl's baby - by Semicircle - 03-03-2022, 02:43 AM



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