Nothing that I say
#2
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Hi Mark,
just a couple or three points.
'curled' - anything better,
'softly' then 'gently' is a bit much (similarly three -ings?  One too many I think),
and maybe move the opening to the beginning? As in

That murmuring you make,
stirring in our bed, dawn
softly illuminating our room [with/in ... ?],
the fan gently whirring
overhead, and your arm
curled across my heart.
Nothing that I say today
will mean as much


Best, Knot

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Reply


Messages In This Thread
Nothing that I say - by Mark A Becker - 02-18-2022, 12:52 AM
RE: Nothing that I say - by Knot - 02-18-2022, 01:56 AM
RE: Nothing that I say - by Mark A Becker - 02-18-2022, 03:59 AM
RE: Nothing that I say - by busker - 02-21-2022, 07:33 PM



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