02-16-2022, 02:23 AM
Hey rowens, the green comments are here:
Tree-Man
Bark, limbs, a perfect
simplicity,
dark blue-
green foliage.
Hard rooted,
snow along edges of things. I don't need "of things"
Emblem in plain,
sign of stability, long etched.
Love makes a dead dog of men, This line drives my attention away from the tree.
a bone growing from earth
stiff and alive.
Never moving, wind makes
no sound.
Squirrels see no meaning
and dogs leave no urine.
A nude scarecrow of wood, I don't need "of wood"
a heart pulses under the bark.
Rooted in feeling, simple,
unmoving, and unsung. moved "unsung" up. Don't think it needs it's own line.
The ground where it was sowed
gives brainless meaning, and on that Not sure that "brainless" works for me
it stands. Its own common. cool way of saying common ground. You could end with this line.
Something to hold. Interesting last line for a tree hugger like me, but I don't need it.
Hope I didn't vandalize your poem too much- just carving my initials on that tree.
Tree-Man
Bark, limbs, a perfect
simplicity,
dark blue-
green foliage.
Hard rooted,
snow along edges of things. I don't need "of things"
Emblem in plain,
sign of stability, long etched.
Love makes a dead dog of men, This line drives my attention away from the tree.
a bone growing from earth
stiff and alive.
Never moving, wind makes
no sound.
Squirrels see no meaning
and dogs leave no urine.
A nude scarecrow of wood, I don't need "of wood"
a heart pulses under the bark.
Rooted in feeling, simple,
unmoving, and unsung. moved "unsung" up. Don't think it needs it's own line.
The ground where it was sowed
gives brainless meaning, and on that Not sure that "brainless" works for me
it stands. Its own common. cool way of saying common ground. You could end with this line.
Something to hold. Interesting last line for a tree hugger like me, but I don't need it.
Hope I didn't vandalize your poem too much- just carving my initials on that tree.