01-31-2022, 04:20 AM
Human Nuture
When I think of him,
I'm reminded of a deciduous tree.
Instead of a bark,
he wears a verity of sweaters
Is verity a meaningful play on variety?
displaying all types of things.
Some examples of the things?
Expect him to change colors,
occasionally he might offer shade.
Reminding, not to take life too seriously,
his presence reminds, don't let yourself fade.
Don't overdo the memory/remind words. Not much.
I wonder the stories he witnessed.
The folks he has met.
Those two lines don't feel necessary. I know it's real. But it doesn't add much here to the poem.
Like an oak in the park
my friends often sit next to him,
a welcomed spot, where clarity is met.
This seems important. Maybe play with the wording.
I try to take his lead.
To a better listener, a trusted man.
Whether it being wearing my favorite sweater,
or hugging a friend.
The same here.
Thankful for him;
the tree he reminds me of,
"and the trees he reminds me of"?
next to my parents house.
parents', unless you're playing nonchalant with the grammar.
I will always be thankful for him and his friends,
that took me in,
when I hardly could get myself out.
If there are people like him.
Someones that's care grows like a tree.
There is purpose to love in friendship,
and nurturing the tree in me.
These last two stanzas could work as a prosy sum-up.
When I think of him,
I'm reminded of a deciduous tree.
Instead of a bark,
he wears a verity of sweaters
Is verity a meaningful play on variety?
displaying all types of things.
Some examples of the things?
Expect him to change colors,
occasionally he might offer shade.
Reminding, not to take life too seriously,
his presence reminds, don't let yourself fade.
Don't overdo the memory/remind words. Not much.
I wonder the stories he witnessed.
The folks he has met.
Those two lines don't feel necessary. I know it's real. But it doesn't add much here to the poem.
Like an oak in the park
my friends often sit next to him,
a welcomed spot, where clarity is met.
This seems important. Maybe play with the wording.
I try to take his lead.
To a better listener, a trusted man.
Whether it being wearing my favorite sweater,
or hugging a friend.
The same here.
Thankful for him;
the tree he reminds me of,
"and the trees he reminds me of"?
next to my parents house.
parents', unless you're playing nonchalant with the grammar.
I will always be thankful for him and his friends,
that took me in,
when I hardly could get myself out.
If there are people like him.
Someones that's care grows like a tree.
There is purpose to love in friendship,
and nurturing the tree in me.
These last two stanzas could work as a prosy sum-up.