01-25-2022, 12:01 AM
Hey Tim-
I know this is MISC, still, some in-line comments:
The crooked place
where go moves immaculately forward
while no go retreats.
Maybe ?:
It's a crooked place
where go meets no go
Outside, the dog barks against the cold. I like this line. Perhaps expand on it?
My mind finds liberation
in definition. I turn to my winter-count:
the roots of words,
a son’s ghost, and strike "and"? line break at ghost?
a time before go,
even before no go. you could end it right here and I'd be fine
It’s an even orbit and a soft landing,
this circling of words
that defy the robot go/no go. maybe "robotic"? S.3 as a whole is too abstract, and lets me down. Too soft of a landing.
Mark
I know this is MISC, still, some in-line comments:
The crooked place
where go moves immaculately forward
while no go retreats.
Maybe ?:
It's a crooked place
where go meets no go
Outside, the dog barks against the cold. I like this line. Perhaps expand on it?
My mind finds liberation
in definition. I turn to my winter-count:
the roots of words,
a son’s ghost, and strike "and"? line break at ghost?
a time before go,
even before no go. you could end it right here and I'd be fine
It’s an even orbit and a soft landing,
this circling of words
that defy the robot go/no go. maybe "robotic"? S.3 as a whole is too abstract, and lets me down. Too soft of a landing.
Mark