Sundowning (was Isolation)

[TranquillityBase]

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Can you explain just what it is the salesman is selling, preferably in a single word? ... There's your title.

Not really.  And definitely not in one word.  Something like a desire for non-existence.  Which too much isolation leads to.

Until then, how about

Peace of Mind / Red Music

For surprisingly little cost

you can massively increase

all the voices ............................................................think 'voices' needs a modifier, 'manifold', 'mutinous', 'mercurial'?  Yes, thanks for the great choices!

curled inside the empty chambers

of the revolver pointed at your head.

It doesn't take much

just synchronize your heartbeat

with the diminishing sun                   really like "setting" better.  Have you heard of the term sunsetting in relation to older folks?  It's happening to me, a restlessness at sunset.

and erase the red music

at the edges of the flesh

erase the red music

until there is no horizon.

erase the red music

so easy, anyone could do it.

This is a very cool rewrite.  I may have to steal this.  Really like the repetition at the end.

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OK Tim -
I'll take another shot at it (pun intended):   Fire away!

For surprisingly little cost
you can vastly increase
the voices curled
inside the empty chambers  I think the gun should be loaded  I'm divided about this
of the revolver pointed at your head.

Merely synchronize
your diminishing heartbeat "breathing" would be more to the point than "diminishing heartbeat"    don't think I can give that up
to the setting of the sun
and erase the red music  maybe "engage"
at the edges of the flesh   stumble here every time I read it
until there is no horizon. re-think "until there is no" to simply "beyond the" ?

I guess I'm preferring to keep much of what you see cutting....

So easy anyone can do it. I still like this as a final line: trying to sell the idea of suicide to oneself (I get the dark humor). That said, the "sales pitch" ahead of that ending would require less poetic, more direct language. Thus, some of the reasoning behind my in-line suggestions, above.

I think, even if I steal Knot's version,  I need to work on that more.