Sundowning (was Isolation)

[Knot]

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Hi TqB,

re ..."salesman's spiel",

I don't think this does come through that clearly, or rather it starts of quite foregrounded but then retreats and the 'random' (for want of a term ) line breaks take over and obscure it. Also, I think it loses that conversational tone in the second verse.

Still finding the last line problematic, despite your explanation. I don't think it's something you worked towards (or at least that is how it reads.)

Can you explain just what it is the salesman is selling, preferably in a single word? ... There's your title.

Until then, how about

Peace of Mind / Red Music

For surprisingly little cost

you can massively increase

all the voices ............................................................think 'voices' needs a modifier, 'manifold', 'mutinous', 'mercurial'?

curled inside the empty chambers

of the revolver pointed at your head.

It doesn't take much

just synchronize your heartbeat

with the diminishing sun

and erase the red music

at the edges of the flesh

erase the red music

until there is no horizon.

erase the red music

so easy, anyone could do it.

Best, Knot

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