Sundowning (was Isolation)

[Xlateralus]

For surprisingly little cost 
you can vastly increase 
the voices curled 
inside the empty chambers 
of the revolver pointed at your head. 

I like the curled voices in empty chambers. I think the line breaks are haphazardly made. I understand the vastly/voices sound you are going for but the phrasing you can vastly increase strikes me as a little off.

Merely synchronize 
your diminishing heartbeat
to the setting of the sun
and erase the red music 
at the edges of the flesh 
until there is no horizon. 


So easy anyone can do it. 

Not sure about synchronize. And perhaps I would cut “the” from the “edges of the flesh” phrase.

For surprisingly little cost 

you can vastly increase 

the voices curled 

inside the empty chambers 

of the revolver pointed at your head. 

All you need is THE BUSINESS! 

Adds extra tight bundles 

of the single minded obstinate

to the darkening church-like sky 

where peripheral humans 

gather in the western breeze.

So easy anyone can do it. 

Merely synchronize the sinking sun

with your diminishing heartbeat 

and erase the red music 

at the edges of the flesh 

until there is no horizon. 

[/quote]

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For a jingle/advertising thing virtually increase instead of vastly maybe. Overall I don’t think that part of the poem comes through at all. I just think it’s a poem about someone trying to talk themselves into suicide. It isn’t that easy, is it?