Senescence

[Mark A Becker]

Hey Tim-
Being of a certain age, I can certainly relate to the sentiments expressed in this poem.

Some comments:

Here at the end  maybe "near the end"
I’m fading into invisibility, love this line
hardly taking a breath
that’s not filled with decades,
exhaling atoms of regret
that don’t even qualify as a sigh.  don't need this part

I spend my day meditating
on a shorn winter field:
this is no way to go, the best way to go
or simply another window-framed Nowhere,
I’m not sure which but sure
I’ll never know the answer.  don't need this part either

Friends all passed on  this is one of my favorites stanzas that you've wriiten
into a level distance that has no map
I cross and recross an abandoned road  perfectly illustarates that feeling of abandonment when friends pass on
looking both ways yes! and I know yer not talking about traffic
an obedient child of time. the last two lines work perfectly for me.  We do retain those ingrained behaviors no matter how old we get. It speaks subtly to the past/present/future


Here, near the end,
I’m fading
into invisibility.

I spend my days
meditating
on a shorn winter field,
a level distance
that has no map.

Friends all passed on.  (something concrete needed here- a critical bridge that maintains the scene and tone.)

I cross, and re-cross
abandoned roads,
looking both ways,
like an obedient child
of time.

---

Hey Tim-

Something like:

A cruel wind blows,
and clanging stop signs appear
at desolate intersections,
where all my friends
have passed.