Days departed

[Mark A Becker]

Hey busker-

I'm glad you didn't have this one taken down because it is very well crafted.

I like that you split the lines into quatrains instead of couplets, as that slows down my reading and emphasizes the words that you break the lines on. In fact, those words are the gist of the poem:

recall
departed,
flotsam
drink?

hear
incanted,
songs
sing?

deep
planted,
withers,
shrinks.

moon
enchanted,
I
blink.

The meter holds up very well, and the variations add emphasis in appropriate places.
The anapests: --/ in the drink , --/ in a blink
The spondee: /// fig tree shrinks

The rhyming is subtle and effective. There is subtle assonce and consonance throughtout: "d" "i" "s" sounds: my favorite being "...distant songs the sirens sing?"

Of course, you can continue to revise this one, because, to paraphrase that saying, "poems are never finished, there're only released."

I suspect that the abrupt shift in imagery from the "breakers" to the "roots" is where you may need a smoother transition/connectiion.

That said, thanks for releasing this one,
Mark