01-13-2022, 07:06 PM
(01-13-2022, 07:49 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with the use of alternative grammar as a device. For me, it becomes an issue when that device takes priority over clarity. The grammar in question begins in L1 where the reader has yet to gain any momentum. (let them sink their teeth in a little first) The inconsistent use of Caps or no Caps at the start of each line also somewhat confuses the narrative. The content has the bones of a good poem but I think rethinking the delivery (even a little) would help it along.I appreciate that. I’m guessing you’re not British though? As a British person would understand the first line without questioning the words warn or wrestle. Didn’t really think about that when writing it as maybe someone from the US wouldn’t question a way of speaking that’s understood to them, and it’s not something I’ll change as it’s deliberate and a part of how I write. I would say that a lot of the time people in the US can’t see past their own ways of doing things or their own culture to the point of rejecting something to suit themselves rather than walking in the shoes and enjoy accepting it in others, I don’t mean that as an offensive thing there’s the evidence. It’s on me for posting in an American forum though in all fairness. However, I’ll rethink the delivery overall. Totally agree about the capitals, that’s an error. Really appreciate the feedback, thank you.