Making My Confession (version 3)

[Knot]

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Hi TqB,
improving with each revision (though the title doesn't seem quite as firmly attached now as it did for v.1)

I rather liked the 'collected disappointments' of the original.

Is there a compelling reason for 'a junkyard' rather than 'the junkyard'? It's just that it jars a bit with the 'a ziggurat' (or could just be me.)
Also, struggling to make the leap from 'dilettantes ... speaking' to 'sermons'

I think there's a 'twitchier' voice to be found here.


In a junkyard of dawn’s dreaming, behind to a ziggurat of glass bottles
dilettantes sit on upturned milk crates sipping tepid lattes, speaking
in whispers. There are spies in the bottles. I record their sermons
in an alphabet of my own devising, carry them home, memorizing lines
and repeating each as I encounter another day’s deceptions til dusk’s
slow dismantling releases me from my collected disappointments
and night makes me invisible again.


Best, Knot


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